What is wrong with me??

So, it’s a bit of a running joke between Paul and me that I occasionally have “a case of the dropsies” wherein I just seem to fumble and drop EVERYTHING.  Thankfully I’ve not dropped any dishes or glasses, but I’ll drop my keys when trying to hang them on the hook, or when I’m getting my tablets out in the evening, I’ll end up knocking too many out of the bottle and send one or two pills flying to the floor (or the bottle itself after screwing the top back on)… and I’ll do that with more than one bottle of tablets.  On Friday, I had a mini-meltdown after I dropped a container of Chinese food leftovers as I was trying to put them on a shelf in the fridge… rather than pushing another container out of the way with my other hand, I tried pushing it aside with the container of leftovers I was hoping to refrigerate for the next day… it fell in slow motion, and as the top came off, it all had to be binned.  I was so upset… like, not just at the waste of food, but that yet again I’ve fucking dropped something and it’s so stupid.

Now, in my research into Autism and seeing a correlation with Dyspraxia, I couldn’t help but wonder if I may have a certain degree of Dyspraxia too.  I was NEVER good in gym class in school – like, any game which used a ball, you could guarantee that it’d hit me in the face at least once.  Tennis?  Sheer hilarity as I flailed around with the racket trying to hit the ball… and if I did manage to make contact, it’d go flying over the fence and I’d get a disappointed tut from my partner and gym teacher.  And when it came to art class, I couldn’t draw or paint or do anything particularly well – despite having fabulous ideas in my mind, I just could not translate them to paper (or any other medium) because I just didn’t have the right level of manual dexterity, which always frustrated me.  The only reason I didn’t graduate nearer the top of my class than I did was because my gym and art grades were lower than my academic subjects (before final grades were issued, I was estimated ranked 9th, but years later when I requested my transcripts for UK equivalence verification, it turns out that I was actually 8th out of 150-odd in the class #HumbleBrag).

I thought that because I am just not athletic by any definition, I just thought it was down to everyone being different.  It never occurred to me that there might be a name for it other than just “clumsy”.

I have been feeling quite stressed lately, especially in regard to work because I’ve had a few quite complex cases blowing up and parents persistently ringing (“stalking”) me which has been enough to make me want to retreat into my bubble of solitude and protection, which is not exactly easy to do when you have a job to do.

Is it possible that my stress is manifesting itself into me just being a bit more clumsy than usual, or is it indicative of something more sinister??  Holding my hands out in front of me, they’re not shaky or anything, so I don’t think I’m having any sort of nerve issues, but it’s really making me cross when I keep dropping things.  I don’t know what to do, other than maybe keep track of how often and under what circumstances I’m dropping things.

If anyone has had any sort of similar experience, I would appreciate you leaving a comment below.  Thanks, folks x

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One thought on “What is wrong with me??

  1. Nic says:

    (I’m really note sure about some words now.) At primary school we had to cut-out paper things and knitting and so on, and I was really bad. So bad that they called my mother and wondered, whether I was somehow retarded. (But as I read a 500 pages book in a few days and wanted to borrow another from the library, they called me liar and I never borrowed another book) Ah, and sports .. they put me into an extra lesson, where I should learn balancing and stuff like that. Was horrible. And don’t let’s start with gym classes and arts … I really liked painting before school …

    So I had to do a lot of extra work and my hand did hurt a lot of because of the extra handicraft I had to do. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve problems holding a scissor and stuff like that, right.

    And about sports … I don’t know. But then I got excused, because my ankles were that instable, I had to many injuries, so my doctor decided I shouldn’t do any sports. (On the one side that was a huge bonus.)

    Now, a lot of years later … I think I’m different in some aspects, but don’t know why and can’t describe it, because, as you say, you can’t see anything wrong with your hands, etc. Maybe it’s just a processing issue in the brain. (It must be.) With less stress than during my childhood, I’ll try new things out and watch what happens. For example it’s just, that I want to do things perfect at the first stroke and therefore tense up my hand too much when holding a brush or so. We had to renovate a lot in our house and I just couldn’t work together with S., because I felt watched over (what she didn’t do, but because of my childhood) Then I found out, that when I was alone, took the time I needed, listened to music I liked, I did the stuff quite good without being clumsy. So maybe it’s something about stress levels, too.

    Maybe we would have needed just more time and a more supportive environment. I think, if you aren’t recognised in the things you can do really good and then you have to do things, everyone else just can do and you don’t get the right kind of support, things get worse.

    And, I really should do research on this … to come back to your question: I think maybe your brain is so busy with processing all the information and stressed out, etc. (or was, because your text here is older now …) and therefore looses its attention on “holding” things. Maybe, when stressed out, the part of the brain which is in charge for motor activity doesn’t work right anymore. I mean, when the language-areal can be shut down … why not this part?

    (by the way, I couldn’t catch balls, too)

    Like

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