Whilst I’m awaiting assessment, I’m thinking about and processing the potential implications of diagnosis.

Currently, Autism Spectrum Conditions are considered disabilities. The definition of disability is: “1. A physical or mental condition that limits a person’s movements, senses or activities. 2. A disadvantage or handicap, especially one imposed or recognised by the law.”

On the whole, I don’t consider myself limited, disadvantaged or (I hate this word) handicapped. However, there are times when I feel like my anxiety is limiting, especially when it comes to social gatherings, because they’re unstructured, unpredictable, and generally very loud. Knowing that these elements are likely to be present, it does sometimes help if I prepare myself a few days in advance, but even that doesn’t guarantee that I’m going to feel particularly keen to still go along when the day comes. I feel bad when I feel like I have no choice but to cancel or not go, but I can’t fully explain why I don’t feel able to go.

I suppose based on that, (pending diagnosis) that I would actually have a disability, because having Asperger’s Syndrome means that my participation in activities is limited by this condition. However, it still doesn’t feel right to me, because I know that across the vast range of disabilities, I’m still able to do so much more than many other people… It’s just not at all straightforward… But then again, what in life is?